Some Twitter feeds to watch for your post Rapture celebration!

It is a brave new world, that Twitter place. My account has been quite dormant for the past few years since I set it all up, but lately I decided to publicize my pithy writings there.

In the process, I discovered the “Trending Topics” and “search” features. There lies a whole new world of hilarious and downright wrong.  Some tweets are pithy, some are loudly funny, and others lead to whole new worlds of information about things. 

True! Twitter is no longer full of teenybopper droppings and silly notes from mum and dad. There are some real gems out there.

Under the hashtag “#endoftheworldconfessions”, I found these gems

“the world ain’t ending son, my yogurt expires in 2013”   By  Lil Tune Chi

“I ‘let the dogs out.’ It was me.”   By Lord Voldemort


Under #apocalypseplease, 

Have any fun plans for today’s impending apocalypse? And if the Rapture already did happen in your time zone, PLEASE NO SPOILERS!  By Joy Behar

Bond 78007 has a real problem:  “Apocalypse please… I’m out of hemroid cream.”


No one understands why Wal Mart is in the trending topics, but that does not stop people from tweeting about it!

“Agh….agh…. The rapture people were right… I see demons! Oh, wait. I’m just at wal-mart.” By Igalaviz

Seductive Baby has a suggestion: “Things to do at Wal-Mart: hide in a rack of clothes and when somebody looks through them to yell “WELCOME TO NARNIA”

“Wal-Mart is like a zoo for humans to watch humans.”  comes from the mind of Pauly Peligroso


Harold Camping is the $70 million dollar rich old boy behind the whole Rapture insanity. He is a trending topic, of course.

“I think we should all pretend the #rapture  is happening so that when Harold Camping  gets left behind later today he’ll be livid.   From ProfBrianCox”

“The Bible vs. Harold Camping; Winner- The Bible”     By NotTHATJordan

“Instead of Harold Camping’s prediction coming true, I’m at a skating rink for a birthday party…maybe THIS IS the end of the world!”  By ericechols

The #iwannaslap hashtag netted some poignant and some hilarious statements

“#iwannaslap  everyone that doesn’t LOVE God. If you LOVE God, R-T ”  By  RealComedyKing.
 “#iwannaslap  anyone who says ‘wanna’. Want to, not ‘wanna.’ It’s one more letter you lazy idiots.”  By a very cranky Lord Voldemort, of course.
 “#iwannaslap  my self for dating my EX, because I think I was drunk that entire relationship.  By a very regretful christina71e.
There are a few pickings from #joke of the day.

“iGoogle’s yo mama joke of the day: Yo momma so nasty she went swimming and now we have the dead sea.”  contributed by Desert Belle.
“People are making Rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow.”  multiple jokers.
The real Eddie Murphy offers this: 

“So, it took Harry Potter seven damn long books 2 catch the bad guy. It only takes Scooby Doo 25 mins.”
The real Will Ferrell offers this:

“I think Lady Gaga just puts super glue on herself & rolls around in random items.”
The real Steve Martin has this mess:
“I’m wasting my time trying to come up with a good tweet, so, out of anger, I’m going to waste your time by having you read this one.”
and this:
“Bin Laden porn videos included “I Can See Your Nose,” and “Is That a Toe I See.”
Well, this is it for now.  I have fallen prey to the attraction of Twitter and there is no known cure. No age, gender, or human category offers immunity from finding Twitter nonsense to read, so be warned about what will happen if you figure out the search and hashtag systems for finding stuff.