Please call it the BRITISH Royal Wedding: Here is Why


The impending royal marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton is a British issue and has no form of official standing for the vast majority of the world.

I wish them the best on their challenging and traumatic journey toward modernizing the monarchy of Great Britain.

I…erp…my “friend”…might give in and watch the British Royal Wedding next Friday at 12 midnight, PT, on BBC America, channel 188 on my…erp…my friend’s cable lineup.

Someone, not me of course, will probably sniffle a little. But those little tea sandwiches can have onions or strong mustard that could cause a tearing of the eyes. Let us make this clear: Any snifling should not be mistaken for actual British wedding sniffling!

And God help us if, despite showing up with erections and plundering most of the world, the British fall into their stereotype as horrible cooks! Please do not let them serve something horrible like liver and prunes. There’s the thing that separates us from them. 

Anyway, for Americans, it is unconstitutional as well as silly to adopt an artificial role as subjects of the British monarchy. While such behavior may establish a somewhat sad emotional connection to our cousin’s (true for me and a lot of us)  line of succession, we are our own people.

Besides, we have Zeus In A Speedo for our own royalty.

Americans must not submit to the crown. It is one thing to adore, as I do, the idea of a real king and queen from a long line of kings and queens. It is fine to fall into the romance of a royal passage of two gorgeous humans toward ascencion to the throne of England.

It is another thing for Americans to take on the false position of being subjects of the royalty of another country and to elevate the British royal wedding to the status of a royal wedding that applies to all of us.

Let’s not cover up or deny reality. A whole lot of people in the world would love to take a chunk out of those pasty, royal hides and are well justified in thinking that way.

Those royals leave a bad taste in a lot of the world’s mouths, given their historical roles in the enslavement and brutal oppression of a vast population of  fellow humans of color.

Alex Jones has done one of the more comprehensive revelations about the British Royal family and their racist laundry. And now, William and Catherine are burdened with cleaning some of that mess up for good of British history.

American soldiers died in World War II,  when members of the British Royal family supported the Nazi culture, the rise of Hitler, and the ensuing damage to the world. Some of them still give us all much grief.

Jones is right to castigate President Obama for groveling in front of the Queen during his visit in 2009. What reward did he garner? He got the British government’s refusal to release the codes for our own Triton missles, so that the START treaty with Russia could be put back in place after a scary two year gap.

I am glad that my president will not be allowed to take another pratfall of pandering and groveling, mistaking it all for some twisted idea of “image” or “statesmanship”.

Finally, there is the mind numbing insult of publicly sknorxxing while not inviting the first African American President of the United States to a major British royal wedding.

The initial lie was that William and Katherine are technically not “royals”, as they are not directly in line for succession to the thrones. Therefore, the wedding was a private affair.

What happened within days? The lying bastards started calling it the “Royal Wedding” and have not shut up about the “royalty” and public nature of it all ever since. 

The bride and groom have every right to a private affair and to invite whom they choose. They do not have any Black friends? So what? Lots of international leaders and most of the world were not invited.

Prince Charles is adamantly not regarded as a racist by his closest people, nor are his brothers labeled as racists. The brothers have brought the royal line toward much better form, despite well publicized intrusion into the discord of their personal lives.

Prince William and Katherine seem to be lovely young people who have their heads on straight. If they want a private affair, then fine. I give them a break in the hope that they will heal the ugly history that their ancestors have put down on them.

Yes, right. Attitudes have “changed”.  Sknorxx. Wanna get a secret?

Those attitudes were changed centuries ago!

There are two Black Queens of the Royal Family (Queen Phillipa, wife of King Edward III,  and Queen Charlotte, who was Queen Victoria’ s grandmother.

The sleaziest of tabloids has speculated that William and Kate will decide to adopt a “multicultural baby”.  I hope that they don’t, however. Babies are not social statements or decorative items for highly dysfunctional family place settings.

Perhaps William and Kate will set their own watch over who becomes royalty. Of course, their own natural children are expected to become the “heir and the spare”, and I hope that she gains enough weight to start before the hazards of having healthy children under horrific stress and after age 30 begin to set in.

A lot of the people of this world will watch the future of the British crown unfold next Friday at 12 midnight, PT, on BBC America, channel 188 on my…erp…my friends cable lineup.

We..ooops…they, will choke on the loveliness, meaning, and expensiveness of William and Kate as they  move on with their incredible lives.

While the British royals sip their tea and nip their liver and prune canapes, the delicate ghost of the Queen Mother will float around, overjoyed at the absence of the “Huns, wops, and dagos, nig-nogs and  blackamoors”  that the ghastly old bigot referred to with such genuine affection.


By the way, Liechtenstein is a fabulous little country that I have visited and has the first  Black European Royal in recent history.


I give you Prince Maxmillian and Princess Angela.


No, they are not invited because her husband, Maximilian, is third in line for the throne.  His brother, Prince Hans Adam II, gets the invite, and thus it is not racial.*

So…let’s say it all together if we are American citizens:

The British Royal Wedding”!

*Prince Hans Adam II is worth about $5 billion dollars! Liechtenstein is good for setting up a lot of tax dodges…They are so ghetto fabulous.