There are signs. There are indicators. There are alarming symptoms.
But we do not care. We cannot get up from the computer and walk away. The draw of the news, the drag of the tweet, and the siren call of the blank editing screen are all powerful forces that keep us glued to our computers.
We seek any kind of gratification that comes from writing and publishing our thoughts and opinions. We live to read the works of others. We stay intoxicated with the substance of the words.
We are addicts, as imprisoned as a three strikes felon, held prisoner by the web as we hunch over glowing screens and hide in our darkened rooms.
As a scholarly study, I have developed ten questions that will help to determine if a web writer has fallen off the edge, has gone off the deep end, has bought a one way ticket to la la land, or has simply lost their mind.
This study was inspired by a post where a woman who shall be called “X” plaintively and eloquently lamented her plight as a writer’s group addict.
TEN QUESTIONS FOR THE WEB WRITING ADDICT
1. Do you long to be writing something even when you are already writing something?
2. Does your diet swing wildly between microwaveable dinners and laborious, elaborate meals from the foodie blogs?
2a. Is your diet mostly a liquid and vitamin diet?
2c. Are your teeth getting loose?
3. Do you spend more time talking to your doctor about your writing than you do about the giant buboes that are growing all over your neck?
4. Do you hide your writing from family and friends, write in secret, or write while alone?
5. Have you ever edited while driving?
6. Do you move your lips or talk out loud when you write?
7. When alone, do you burst into loud laughter when reading other people’s blogs…or your own?
8. Do you feel that you cannot have a good time at another writer’s blog if you cannot comment at least twice?
8a. Do you comment more than three times a day?
9. Have you taken more days off from work than you have from writing?
9a. Do you even still have a job? If the answer is “no”, ignore entire question.
10. Are you in last night’s pajamas right now?
10a. Did you brush your teeth and wash up today?
If you answered “yes” or “no” to any of these questions, then you show signs that you are a web writing addict.
You should immediately seek help at the nearest bar, church, swimming pool, park, garden, store or gym.
Note to self:
Wait… If I put a link to “X’s” post, then people will know who she is! I’d better fix that….