My Interview With Famous Celebrities, Part Four

It’s time for belated interviews with famous people!

Today we have the best! No Ugg boots or Versace or Bocconcini!

 

 

Gov Jesse Ventura

 

 

Governor, you are on a mission to find answers to the great conspiracies that we face today! What is your most important issue?

” Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn’t: Go stick your head in the mud.”

Darned straight, Governor! Are you going to apply your WWF skills to rooting out the truth and boiling it all up with the ham hock and seasonings to make for tasty conspiracies?

” Wrestling is ballet with violence. “

Do you want to talk about the bras and using under wires to track out movements…Is it the Beidermeyer Group? Is it Cheney? Rove?

” If I could be reincarnated as a fabric, I would come back as a 38 double-D bra.”

So you do the doobies? Isn’t the anti spliff crowd really trying to keep it all illegal so that they can have huge amounts of unaccounted for money floating around?

” Industrial hemp is a very useful plant. I challenged the attorney general to get rid of the criminal stigma associated with hemp so we can look at it in terms of how it might be useful. “

I heard that you met the Dalai Lama. What happened?

“I asked him [Dalai Lama] the most important question that I think you could ask – if he had ever seen Caddy Shack. “

Well, Governor, it’s been all that. You’ll read all about it in Xenonlit’s Blog, where the men get in touch with their lesbian side!

“If you were to come to Minnesota, I could have you locked up like that. That’s power.”

Joe! Put that steel chair down! This man is scarier than Chuck Norris!


 

Rep John Boehner

 

 

Rep Boener, is it true that with your fake tan, you are being dubbed the “Snooki of the Potomac?”

Working Americans who believe in our country and who believe in our Constitution are saying, ‘Enough is enough!’

What does that mean? There is a general perception that you talk and talk, but you say nothing; that you have no ideas, no programs and no plans for bringing America out of crisis.

Let’s just focus on Israel. What do you have to say about Israel?

“ We have no stronger ally anywhere in the world than Israel.

This resolution simply says Israel has the right to defend itself. This includes conducting operations both inside its borders and in the territory of nations that threaten it, which is in accordance with international law.

Each and every day, Israel’s very existence is at stake.“

 

Aieeeee! Arrrgh!

All right.  Let’s try health care reform. What about health care reform? What would it take for you to stop attacking and to start offering real solutions?

Make no mistake, a ‘yes’ vote on the Democrats’ health care bill is a vote for taxpayer-funded abortions “

 

Oh, I have had enoug…

Thanks for your time, Mr Boehner. You will read all about it at Xenonlit’s Blog, where spam is the opiate of the passive and the Pirate Wimmin are the DEA!

Joe! Put that handkerchief down! It won’t wipe off. And quit doing that TSA swipe search, you pervert!


TSA Swipe Search

 

Hello, TSA Swipe Search! You recently started up at Sacramento Airport, which used to be Sacramento Intergalactic Airport. How have you been doing?

Well, darlin’…first may I say that you are looking tasty and insecure today! May I just search you to make sure that you have no explosives in those jiggling breastesses or between your tight and lovely legs?

Well, ummm…ooooh…oh! Stop that! This is more like a GYN exam than a pat down! eeeek! ahhhhh! Are you supposed to do that for five minutes? OOOOh. do you smoke?

“I do the standard check, but would normally take you to a private space. I would put on some music and lower the lights. Then I would guide you gently to a chaise lounge where I would tenderly smooth my hands over your breastesses, down your lovely flanks, rotating my hand to examine your joy pot of flowery love…(sometimes I sniff the gloves later, but ha ha don’t tell anyone)…Then, with my throbbing member…

But I digress…hmmmm…sniff…(TSA Swipe Search gives a lingering, smouldering gaze)

Now if you are a man, I check your package and store memories of the memorable packages in my mind for later review when I am in the restroom with a copy of “Gentlemen’s Gazette”…

 

Do you just decide who gets your “special treatment” or is there some kind of rule…

“Well, you would have to opt out of the scanner that shows when you last had sex and who you had it with…or

…you would have to set off the magnotrometric alarm with that Fredricks of Hollywood underwire bra, product number 2019409A4958, called the “Boobie Trap”, on sale for $89.99 this week that you are wearing!

OH! Well, damn…uhhh… thanks for stopping by, Mr TSA Swipe Search!

Stop on by and visit the next time you fly, darlin! You’re just a downright juicy and tasty little ole thing and my member remembers all the pretty little fillies like you!

In fact, gimme one for the road! C’mere!!!!!“

EEEEK! JOE, GET THE TASER! IT’S THE TSA GONE BUCK WILD!

You will read all about it in Xenonlit’s Blog, where air travel is about the joy of forcible crotch fondling by homely and smelly public servants!

 


Celebrities Of The Week

 

 

boehner2 (1)

Boehner

Bela-Lugosi

TSA Swipe Search

 

 

 

 

 

 

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