Wow! Great crowd tonight!
It’s great to have a crowd that I can’t eat for a change!
Yeah! This “Monsters of Comedy Tour ” is Hot, Hot, Hot!
Good evening, Ladies, Gentlemen and Things!
I’m Gordon Gorgon! Thank you! Thank you!
You know, when I was born, people said that I had a face that only a mother could love.
Mom clammed up and wouldn’t say a word.
My wife tells me that she lost the bet and still wouldn’t marry me!
After we straightened that out, we got married right here in Vegas. Both of us were told to wear veils!
I dont’ get no respect, I tell ya! If I had a collar, I would tug on it right now.
I went to a bar the other day and the manager came up and told me that “We don’t serve your kind!”
I said “That’s fine. I don’t drink, snort or smoke my kind!”
Then I went through the bar.
I mean it.
I went through the bar and called it my “remodeling” services. What did they do? They sent the National Guard after me! Tried to shoot me down from that fake Eiffel tower over there!
The mob told the Governor to knock it off before the jets knocked me off and they had to clean it all up!
I don’t get no respect, I tell ya!
I just flew in from my last gig in D.C! I had a lunch with a bunch of politicians, and my doctor said my cholesterol was off the charts!
He said “You gotta lay off the fatty pork, buddy!”
Flying is a mess these days. I’d rather have a root canal done! And boy, the flight attendants were lazy! They weren’t doing nothing!
I checked on ’em and they were all frozen solid! Took an hour to get them out of my teeth!
I don’t get no respect!
Where are you from, buddy? Kansas?
Oh yeah, I took a dump over there one time and the Governor sent me a bill for two billion dollars! I had my lawyer send them a bill for 5 billion dollars for enough fertilizer to last them for a year!
They paid it and invited me back next year!
Did you go to that Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rally?
Yeah! Yeah…. Uhhhhh. zzzzzzzz.
But Colbert was tasty, after they pulled him outta that hole. Don’t worry! Next year, he’s gonna help to grow your shredded wheat and Count Chocula!
Who has one of those mini cars? Those are cute! I like the red ones, but the tires give me gas!
Well, you’ve been a great crowd! What’s that? I’m ugly?
Well, that’s not what your wife said! She was tasty, too!
But your mother is so ugly, she got kicked out of the Atlantic Ocean! They said that when she moved in, the sharks moved out!
And you’re so ugly, that’s how you were concieved! The other sperm looked at you and went on strike!
I don’t get no respect! No respect!
It’s been good!
See ya at my next gig in Tokyo!
I’m going on a cruise this time! An oil tanker is going to tow me all the way, all expenses paid! I won’t have to lift a flipper!
Don’t forget to vote! Vote often and vote well!
Now we have the song stylings of my favorite group! Check them out!