PART TWO: Future Rock
(It is ten years into the future. The tidal wave of change that occurred after the 2010 midterm elections started a future that many had imagined, but that no one stood up to.
We are in a conference room at the Area 57 Government complex, where the newly hired are given their employee orientations before they start jobs that they never expected to have.)
Hi, I’m Debbi-with-an-i Bushcrony?
I’m here to give you your employee orientation? (giggles) And this is going to be so much fun?
First, I hold an honorary MB from the Big Chamber Of Commerce seminar that was held at Circus Circus in Las Vegas?
I am the proud mother of 8 children and I am Vice President of Personnel here at the Center For A Supreme America?
We at the Center For A Supreme America are here to serve President-for-as-long-as-she-feels-like-it Palin and her Supreme Court and her Congress!
And she serves the corporations, so we all serve the corporations…and the Chamber of Commerce!
The next few weeks will be educational, will give you valuable experience, and will groom you for top careers in non government service.
I see that you are all being assigned to either the Top Secret Corporate entitlement program or to Fox News. Congratulations!
Those are plum assignments!
I see that you all have your orientation packages, so let’s begin. First, take out your badges and use either the necklace or the clip to make sure that you’re wearing it and not running around here without a badge.
(She waits a few minutes and takes a phone call.)
Good! Everyone has a badge on!
Next, remove your Job Announcement Letter and we’ll go over the conditions of your employment. You are “at will entities”…erp…what’s that Michael Moore?
(She listens, frowning slightly.)
Ohhh! Noooo. We don’t use those terms any more. We are all called “entities”, now. It’s just that President Palin hates the word “labor” and has outlawed it.
What’s that…umm…Al? Is it Al Frankin?
(She listens, frowning the same slight frown.)
Well, we’re entities, now and that’s all!
Moving on!!! We are all “at will entities”, which means that we can be eliminated at any time or for any reason.
Oh you aren’t at any risk of elimination, ya betcha! We screen our entities for all behavioral, personal, political and sexual activity.
Let’s keep going? Next, take out your oath of celibacy and your oath of fealty to President Palin and the Tea Party Nation of The United States of Alaska…sign those and pass them forward!
Umm…ok? Now, take out your red injector boxes…the red ones? Those are for your internal body tags…in the event of a disaster or other problem!
They also confirm your racial identity and purity from the national list of deficiencies.
Take the injector out of the box and…what’s that? Oh nooo, Arianna Huffington. These are perfectly safe.
(Waits ten minutes, taking some more phone calls while everyone is shooting up.)
Good! You might experience some redness at the site for a week or two, but it will go away?
Now take out the blue injector box? Those are required by law to prevent us from being cloned with dogs to create dogs that have human minds! This one is very important!
(A group of uniformed men enters the room and takes positions against the wall. They are carrying more uniforms, each uniform bearing the logos of the Chamber of Commerce, STP, British Petroleum, Bank Of America and about ten other companies.)
Now you get your uniforms! These are made in China by our landlords and they are really comfortable! You just throw them in the washer and dryer and they’re fresh as a daisy!(Giggles)
Well…I want you to know that you are welcome here and that you will have good careers if you adhere to the principles of President Palin and the Tea Nation!
Ta ta, y’all!
Two months later, after the new entities are settled into their new jobs…
“Joe, it just kills me how they sit there and take those injections during orientation! Not one of them asks about them or protests…”
“Well, Debbi, the new “Pre-orientation True Believing Christian Breakfast and Prayer Meeting” takes good care of that. It’s the new Rohypnal II that they put in the pancakes. We haven’t had a problem since that stuff came on line.”
“But one of them came over here from the Department of Law. He should have figured it out…”
“Nahhh…they never figure it out…”
“Well this group has been here for two months, Joe. Let’s see what we have…”
“Whoa! Lookit that one…nothing but his eyes and brain in a jar, but he can still see and think!”
“Yeah, that was some guy…Obama something.”
“And that one…
…that is just messed up. Let’s eliminate that one, Joe. Whew!”
“Oh no…that one can’t have two heads…eliminate it, Debbi.”
“Oh, here’s one for the President’s new menagerie…it’s part dog and part monkey with the mind of a human! Wasn’t that the Department of Law guy?”
“Yeah…he tried to investigate those Alabama Senators. Bad move..”
“Is that Ariana Huffington? Wow, now she’s another one of those “SpongeBob” things for the President’s kid.
That kid cant get enough of those. What does he DO to them? They only last a couple of days!”
“Ok…what the hell is that? I can’t tell up from down. It looks like meat with feathers.”
“Yup. That woman used to write liberal blogs. She’s one of the last of ’em, thank goodness.”
“What about that one…with the body parts and a head?”
“That’s Al Franken. We’re growing him for his organs. The Chamber of Commerce ordered that one.”
“Oh, shit oh Damn! Is that the Rupert Murdoch special?”
“Yeah, Keith Olbermann…
…I didn’t know that they could do that to a person…GAHHHH!”
“He’s new. The Rand Paul Christian Science Group just developed that procedure. Michael Moore over there was the third one.”
“Oh no!!!! I can’t look at thaaa…what the hell..?”
“We have some more “specials” waiting over there. Chancellor Murdoch ordered five more “specials”…wow they’re doing it to Jon Stewart right now! Dang! Gag!”
And the rest are for the Koch Brothers Agency for International Control. It was a group of Teamsters from Chicago.”
“Well, that’s the last of that crew.
“I’d better get moving, Joe. I have ten of them coming in from Idaho. They tried to start a “Don’t Step on Me” Chapter until we caught up with them in Mexico City, Alaska.
They think that they’ll be working for Mama Grizzly Security.”
“Yeah, I’ll bring them in from the True Believers Prayer Luncheon, then I have to check in at personnel about that promotion…
See ya, Debbi!”
“Ya Betcha, Joe!”