The Allergy Chronicles

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I feel like I’ve been beat with a stick.  After going to get a flu shot at the VA (and finding that it was not the prized H1N1 vaccine), I decided to drag myself to the store for some substantial delight.

I got there so sick that all I could grab was macaroni salad, dishwasher soap (great discount) and toll house cookie dough.

The past weeks have been an insane overload of work and writing, with decent pay as a reward, but with exhaustion as a consequence.

Just when I resolved to stop that nonsense, settle down, and take time to smell the stinky shoes, the Fall allergy season moved in and started unpacking.

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The Sacramento Valley is one of the top allergy resorts in the world. We have far too many exotic plants and gorgeous landscapings.

Sacramento has more trees per capita than most places in the world.

People come here with allergies and find out that those allergies thrive well. Then people come here without allergies, then find out that new allergic type of action in going on. No one escapes.

Neither young nor old are bolstered against this mistaken set of ferocious attack processes that make our autoimmune systems want to pull a Thelma and Louise on our bodies.

My autoimmune system is completely psychotic.

It is as if the Sopranos, the Crips, the Bloods, and Scarface took over my T-cells, and are running around, having chemical romances and  yelling “say hello to our little friends!”

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So, this year, it could be the Sri Lankan Bigpussy Shrubs and the Andalusian Fart Knocker Trees are spewing forth some dusty plant carpet bombing style of long distance insemination that winds up in our sinuses and bodies.

The Chlorpheniramine pills, those delightful little yellow drowse merchants; those highly effective line officers that soldier on in their mission of rounding up histamines and receptors, are my drug of choice these days, along with the steroidal spray which burns the sinuses like a bad pool dive.

But, still, the double knockout of flu shot and allergy serve to make me relish a long morning in bed. Actually in la la land, dreaming of talking enchiladas and buttery mens who stalk me through glamorous hotels in exotic destinations and give me looks with their eyes.

When I finally wake up, it’s off the cheap matinee at the movies, with the requisite snuck- in snacks and Roger Moore whacking capitalism as the assignment for the week.

Photobucket As a word to the medically ungainly: You do NOT get the flu from the flu shots. The mild, temporary symptoms mean that the vaccine is working as it should. Your body is just making antibodies and having a party in there, building up protection against the real thing.

So, have a lovely day. I am off to snooze and to not work.

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