A Not So Serious Literary Writing

Bugeye Du Nord

A Tale of Wit And Love

She sighed, gazing through the mullioned window to the sea. The slightly musky scent of the sea combined with the brisk, cool breeze to cool her fevered brow and to calm her unsteadied nerves.

Her skin was not milky, peaches and cream, or even alabaster. She had the definite wash of color that signified her African Ancestry. But as the Lady of Bouganvilla Manor, Margurite De Lex Croix had no need to fear rejection from a society which had no choice but to cater to her every need and whim.

But recently, her world was shattered. Her beloved husband, Lord De Lex Croix, had been called to sea to battle with the monstrous pirate: Bugeye Du Nord. Du Nord was a disgraced naval officer who had taken to the waves in a stolen barque and manned it with the worst of fallen soldiers, criminals and expatriate natives. There was word that the strangest and most hedonistic behaviors had gone on aboard ship and on land. There were tales of plunder that was cunningly distributed in caves and on isolated islands throughout the Carribean.

Du Nord, however, was secretly admired by many a woman for his male physique and his manly beauty. It was said that he was posessed of courtly manners befitting the highest of nobility, and could seduce a woman with his eyes, neither of which was damaged or could justify his nick name.

The story spread throughout the carribean that Du Nord was engaged in battle with the British, just off the coast of Devon, when he made a critical decision to cut off Lord Fauntleroy and to unleash his side cannons to sink Fauntleroy’s ship, “The Barcalounger” and end all hope of a British victory.

But just when it was time for Du Nord to give the final orders to “FIRE ALL STARBOARD CANNONS!”, a large horsefly flew into his eye, and Du Nord Screamed:

“There’s a fucking bug in mon eye!”

The gunners instantly took that to mean “Aim High”, and the raised cannons fired, but the rounds sailed cleanly over the yardarm of the Barcalounger.

Du Nord never regained his advantage. In disgrace, he retreated and sailed to Calais, where he outfitted his ship with Marie Antoinette’s money and left for the Carribean, never to return to France (although there were legends of the return of Du Nord to many bed chambers of many high born women throughout the world).