The Truth (And a little reading) Will Set Us Free

Look. The next time a new bill comes out and some white wring freakazoids decide to LIE, show some sense!

Here’s what I’ve done. I’ve given links to an entire bill, S 773, the Cybersecurity Act of 2009. This post provides links to which expose every last hysterical and irresponsible interpretation, speculation and lie that’s been going around.

It’s not that long. Read it. Read it again. Then read it one more time before buying into the latest nonsense distribution plan.

Oh, and I’m so ticked off at the thoughtless speculation and nonsense that I’m going to YELL! A LOT!

OHHHHH! OHHHHH! OHHHHH!


1. PRESIDENT OBAMA WANTS TO CONTROL THE INTERNET!

No. Here are the sponsors of the bill that is still in committee.

Sen. John Rockefeller [D-WV]

Cosponsors:

Evan Bayh [D-IN]

Bill Nelson [D-FL]

Olympia Snowe [R-ME]

2.  THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE OVER OUR RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS!

SEC. 17. AUTHENTICATION AND CIVIL LIBERTIES REPORT.
    Within 1 year after the date of enactment of this Act, the President, or the President’s designee, shall review, and report to Congress, on the feasibility of an identity management and authentication program, with the appropriate civil liberties and privacy protections, for government and critical infrastructure information systems and networks.

3.  OBAMA WANTS THE POWER TO SHUT DOWN THE INTERNETS! Oooh! Bloody lie!

READ THIS SECTION OF THE BILL AND ASK YOURSELF WHERE YOUR PITIFUL BUSINESS IS AFFECTED!. HOW MANY RSS FEEDS AND BOOKMARKS OF YOURS ARE DIRECTLY TIED TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, POWER GRIDS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, NATIONAL BANKING, REGIONAL OR NATIONAL DISASTER RESPONSE, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT THE GOVERNMENT WOULD, ON IT’S BUCK WILDEST DAY, CARE ABOUT?



SEC. 18. CYBERSECURITY RESPONSIBILITIES AND AUTHORITY.
      • (A) a long-term vision of the Nation’s cybersecurity future; and
        (B) a plan that encompasses all aspects of national security, including the participation of the private sector, including critical infrastructure operators and managers;
    • (1) within 1 year after the date of enactment of this Act, shall develop and implement a comprehensive national cybersecurity strategy, which shall include–
      (2) may declare a cybersecurity emergency and order the limitation or shutdown of Internet traffic to and from any compromised Federal Government or United States critical infrastructure information system or network;
      (3) shall designate an agency to be responsible for coordinating the response and restoration of any Federal Government or United States critical infrastructure information system or network affected by a cybersecurity emergency declaration under paragraph (2);
      (4) shall, through the appropriate department or agency, review equipment that would be needed after a cybersecurity attack and develop a strategy for the acquisition, storage, and periodic replacement of such equipment;
      (5) shall direct the periodic mapping of Federal Government and United States critical infrastructure information systems or networks, and shall develop metrics to measure the effectiveness of the mapping process;
      (6) may order the disconnection of any Federal Government or United States critical infrastructure information systems or networks in the interest of national security;
      (7) shall, through the Office of Science and Technology Policy, direct an annual review of all Federal cyber technology research and development investments;
      (8) may delegate original classification authority to the appropriate Federal official for the purposes of improving the Nation’s cybersecurity posture;
      (9) shall, through the appropriate department or agency, promulgate rules for Federal professional responsibilities regarding cybersecurity, and shall provide to the Congress an annual report on Federal agency compliance with those rules;
      (10) shall withhold additional compensation, direct corrective action for Federal personnel, or terminate a Federal contract in violation of Federal rules, and shall report any such action to the Congress in an unclassified format within 48 hours after taking any such action; and
      (11) shall notify the Congress within 48 hours after providing a cyber-related certification of legality to a United States person.
  • The President–
(Powered by GovTrack.us.)

(2) may declare a cybersecurity emergency and order the limitation or shutdown of Internet traffic to and from any compromised Federal Government or United States critical infrastructure information system or network;

4.  HE’S GONNA LET CHINA TAKE OVER OUR INTERNETS! AAAHHH! AAAHHHH!

READ IT!.

AT LEAST READ THE SUMMARY

A bill to ensure the continued free flow of commerce within the United States and with its global trading partners through secure cyber communications, to provide for the continued development and exploitation of the Internet and intranet communications for such purposes, to provide for the development of a cadre of information technology specialists to improve and maintain effective cybersecurity defenses against disruption, and for other purposes.

5.  THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO RECRUIT OUR HANSDOME, EMOTIONALLY STABLE, GENIUS CHILDREN TO WORK FOR THE CIA!

Of course not. Read the bill.

The US government will never compete with the evil corporations when it comes to pay and perks, so there’s got to be something that will attrace the best and brightest, like paying for their education in exchange for a few years as a code jockey for the forest service or social security administration. Very glamorous.

So the attractive and intelligent (ha!) computer geeks can either go to work writing more spyware for Google, or go to work designing programs that keep the east coast from losing power for a month because of the malignant hackers out there.

6. THE CIA WANTS OUR KIDS!

No, read the bill and get out of the wet pants fiction. Your kids are not Matthew Broderick and Matt Damon!

The CIA thinks that your kids, no matter how good they are at code jockeying, are unattractive, useless, immature, poorly socialized, crazy and spoiled. The CIA doesn’t want your kids.

There are plenty of people who romanticize working for the CIA and who volunteer to work there. And the vast majority don’t qualify!

Also, Show me where the CIA mentioned in this bill.

GOT ANY MORE HENNY PENNY, COMPLIMENTS OF THE WHITE WRING FREAKAZOIDS WHO NEVER MET A LIE THAT THEY DIDN’T FALL IN LOVE WITH?

AWWW. JUST BE QUIET, AND GO READ THE BILL.

BONUS GIFT!

When you go to GovTrack, you will find ways to get at the actual bill, highlight segments and put links in your blog, and to track the progress of the bill, via widgets and other goodies. Take some time to play around there.  The business of tracking down and reading pending legislation is truly made easier at GovTrack.

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