Sarah Palin Contacts “The United States Department Of Law”

“Well, ya betcha!”Photobucket

Sarah Palin’s morning begins with a call to the “United States Department of Law”.


“Hello…Department of Law!”

“Hello? Hello?”

“Yes, I’m here. You’ve reached the Department of Law. Please state your business.”

“Well, ya betcha!”

“Ma’am.  Do you have reservations?”

“Oh! Yeah. There’s a reservation with some Inuit people around here, right where I can see Russia…

…but I’m calling about how  I’m being hounded by the press media!  They are making my life the living hell!  Why, ya know dat a point guard will put lipstick on dat old ball and just lob it, ya know…”

“Is this…”

“Ya betcha!  I want to know that I have your protection.  I need to know that you will protect me and my family from the press media that target true patriotic people!”

“Well, ma’am, we have good relations with the press…”

“My political enemies have started up ethics investigations that are costing me plenty when I could be of use ta my party, speaking on the television and at the rallies and such!”

“Ma’am, we have excellent security…”

“I mean…dontcha’ have some of that racketeering  or homeland kinda authority for my protection?  I’m about ta be a former Governor and all dat…”

“Ma’am, we have celebrities here all the time.  We’re quite discreet.”

“An’ I’d like some a dat secret services protection ta make sure that those investigations don’t go up to da Supreme Courts, where there have been so many important cases…”

“Oh yes, we had them here a few weeks ago. They….”

“(Squeals) Oh, I so admire dem!  Especially that one with the real shiny black hair who came in dere a few years ago.  Anyway I want to know if you protect my travels.  I have to travel now to visit the journal media and to talk at a host of events with my family along, ya betcha..”

“We have very nice courtesy limosuine service for Very Important People, ma’am…”

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’!  I need the limosuine fer shure, what with the crazy liberal people dat are out there, ready ta hound a gal with some of dat feminist propaganda…”

“Yes, ma’am, that feminist propaganda can be a problem.  So shall I make reservations for you?  How many are in your party?”


“Ma’am.  You’ve got “The Department Of Law”.  We’re a nightclub in North Beach, San Francisco. We specialize in nude sex shows involving women who…uhh…well…we even have one who looks just like you! She wears the hair and the red jacket and everyth…Hello? Hello?”

The conversation ends at this point.